Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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