You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
