Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
foreskin is a definite game changer
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
