Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
