I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
