he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
