dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Actions speak louder than pants.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
