Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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