His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
