she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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