were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
