the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
