I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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