I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
COCAINE IS GR8
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
