Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
