Cold hands, warm shart.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
We left the knife in your bed.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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