Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
