maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Never underestimate the power of titties
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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