When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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