i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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