before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
