so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
