Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
