think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
