I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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