roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
