i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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