i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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