There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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