Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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