so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
