just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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