____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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