Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
