So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
there is glitter all over my balls
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
