i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
