i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
