so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
