My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
