First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Duck Duck Cougar?
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
