wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
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