Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
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