she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
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