he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
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