dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
