I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
He kissed a someone with a penis
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
