Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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