Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
