shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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