Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
