if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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