You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
