i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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