Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
