Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Randomize
