im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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