So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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