She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize
