need another drink. this is the easiest way
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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