My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Randomize
