So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
