I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
