theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
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