Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
