He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
