i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
