dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize