Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize